The perpetual cycle of over apologizing cannot continue.
Too often as women we apologize first, then speak. It’s tempting and habited to burden our words with apologies. Although this may seem comfortable, we are essentially holding ourselves back. Through standards and learned behaviors', women find themselves apologizing more than needed. During childhood and adolescence, girls develop over apologizing because of the societal expectations. What if we started stating our words with confidence? Women should be able to express directly, without any worry that we weren’t polite enough, their visions and ideas. When we learn to be bold, we won’t continue to over apologize for everything.
The Problem with Over Apologizing
Apologizing and excusing seem like the way to be polite and courteous; when used correctly, it does serve as a way to be thoughtful of others. On the contrary, women have been habitually used to apologize their thoughts, actions, and credibility. The New York Times points out that we try to apologize to be polite, and men and women alike exemplify this behavior. Women, however, add an apology as a precursor to when we speak up. This comes off as “asking for permission” to have the following opinion or statement. (Link: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/23/opinion/when-an- apology-is-anything-but.html ) Immediately, by saying sorry before we act or speak, we discredit our knowledge and capability. We hold ourselves back, and it is hindering us. The behavior is normalized, therefore goes unrecognized to the women who do it. In order to own our confidence, we first must recognize the problem, so we change the way we speak about ourselves and to others.
Why Women Do It
Women make it a habit to apologize for their words, habits, thoughts, and behaviors. Over time we learn to be overly polite and even compliant. The Child Mind Institute provide an in depth look at why girls resulted to apologizing so much. One noticeable cultural issue is how we raise girls. During childhood, girls are taught to be polite, pleasant and accountable. Although, these are great traits we have a different standard of boys of the same age. Boys are celebrated for winning and being assertive over their counterparts. Young women are not celebrated and consider themselves more offensive when they don’t prelude with humility. During adolescence especially, there is more pressure on girls to look and act a certain way (Link: https://childmind.org/article/why-girls-apologize-too-much/). Overall, this leads to women who still feel the need to apologize for success, non-conformity, and boldness.
Owning Your Space
There is a lack of female self-worth in society and, it makes it hard to own our space. Recently after reading Presence by Amy Cuddy, it became clear that women even take up less space because we don’t own our presence (Link: https://www.amazon.com/Presence-Bringing-Boldest-Biggest-Challenges- ebook/dp/B00U6DNZK8). We have gotten so used to apologizing for our words that our body language has followed. The low confidence and self-esteem begin to become who we are, if we don’t grasp how to change our behavior. We belong enough to own what we think and do. One of the greatest parts of being a woman is that we define what female means to us. It is our best interest to learn why “I’m sorry” is not necessary before a bold statement. Many women are pushing to recognize and end this habit. Rachel Hollis recently came out with “Girl, Stop Apologizing” to bring awareness to our default to overapologize (Link: https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Stop-Apologizing-Shame-Free- Embracing/dp/1400209609) Once women can accept their place, we don’t question our presence.
Conclusion
There is a time and place for apologizing. However, we should not always find the time to apologize for our confidence and strength. Owning and accepting the beauty of self-worth, it grants us the freedom to speak without worry. There is no need to say sorry as a way to soften the blow of our goals and dreams. Our needs and wants are just as an important to any peer.
Women owe it to themselves to recognize and change this habit to lead to a positive self-image. We cannot command a room, if we apologize to be in it in the first place. Unlearning these bad habits, allow women to show the young girls of tomorrow that success from a woman doesn’t come with an apology. Without being direct, we stay compliant to a cycle that leaves us at a disadvantage. There will always be more power to owning our words instead of apologizing for them.
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